Strangely enough, I have a blog post in my head, trying to get out.  And it’s not even Monday morning.  Similar thing happened to me yesterday, when I had an unprecedented desire to use the elliptical machine, on a day that I was scheduled only for strength training.  Well, I acted on that odd impulse, and it turned out well, so I’ll try going with this one, too.  Speed blogging rules apply.

“Community” is a word I hear and see frequently in the Internet Age.  As far as I can tell, any group of people with one person or topic interest in common can be considered a “community”.  By this definition, I’m a member of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of communities.  Here’s a few of them, in no particular order:

• International Coach Federation
• International Ombuds Association
• North American Women MBAs
• 85 Broads
• Temple Isaiah
• Wellesley College
• MIT Sloan
• OA
• EnergyRICH
• Arlington Entrepreneurs
• Society of Organizational Learning
• LinkedIn
• Thompson School
• CJP Women’s Philanthropy
• CareerWise MBAs
• Facebook
• Twitter
• TED
• Boston Facilitators Roundtable
• http://www.connected-women.com/en/
• BlogHer
• WIBC.org

Yet these days I frequently feel isolated when it comes to the good ol’ Agricultural Age definition… my local peeps.  Neighbors.  People whose homes I can walk to, borrow a cup of sugar, and come back from in the same hour.

I find myself thinking about this often.  Why do I consider myself blessed to have dozens, perhaps hundreds, of friends, yet feel I have very little community?  Why do I pass so many people on the street or in the playground whose faces I recognize and whose names I even know, yet my mind goes blank when I need help?  Not “can we talk via phone or ichat” help, but IRL (in real life), f2f (face-to-face), live-and-in-person, stand-right-next-to me-for-at-least-five-minutes-in-a-row help?  The sad, startling, and scary truth is there is not one human being who lives in my town who I feel comfortable calling.

Perhaps this feeling is exacerbated for me because I’m a single mom.  Or because my office is in my home.  But I am not the shy and retiring type all the time.  (Sometimes, yes.)  I participate in many of the communities of which I’m a member.  I volunteer at my kids’ school (started before I even had kids!).  I’ve been active in my Temple.  I attend events.  I introduce myself to strangers.  I invite people over (they usually come, and we usually have a good time!).  I offer to help others, and I follow through on my offers.  When people ask me, I say “yes” as often as I can.  I’ve taken all sorts of proactive steps during the 12 years I’ve lived here to build community.  Yet I still feel alone.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not the only one.  In the area where I live, usually every adult in a household works (or is looking for work) outside his or her home.  Everyone is stretched financially, and for time.  Even the kindest of people are too maxed out.  Many people in my area have close family nearby, and I admit that I envy them.

I think Hillary Clinton was exactly right when she espoused the theory that it takes a village to raise a child.  Where do I go to get me a village?

Topic of the day:  my biggest lessons from first quarter of 2010.  As many of you know, as of January 1, 2010 I committed to refocusing my entire business around business coaching for women entrepreneurs.

In fact, last week at my first Dynamic Women’s Springtime Tea (more on that in a moment), I realized I’d like to be known as THE coach for single mom entrepreneurs.  We are a special breed of brave and tired women, and it’s time for us to have our own community of support.  So my three top lessons of the quarter are for me, for women entrepreneurs everywhere, and most especially those of us entrepreneurs who are also single moms.

Lesson 1:  As a coach, my biggest bugaboo is my “golden nugget” (thanks to Master Coach Heather Dominick for this term).  In other words, what I’m here in the world to learn is also what I’m here in the world to teach.  So what’s my biggest issue of last quarter?  I want to be taken care of.  There, I said it.  I’m independent and a feminist but I want my mommy.  Deep in my heart, some days I wish for someone to swoop in and take care of me… bring me a no-spill bottle filled with ice water with lemon, straighten up my desk, or tuck me into bed.  Hmmmm… if I can admit I want this, perhaps I’ll find I’m not the only one?  How would you like to be taken care of?

Lesson 2:  It’s time for me to release my need to get approval from experts.  Yes, I value expertise.  Yes, I know and respect many experts in various fields.  Yes, I happily pay for services from many of them.  But I am the one and only expert on my voice, my brilliance, my power.  So whether or not I have vetted all my thoughts and plans, I’m going ahead and putting them out in the world.  Hence, my speed blogging system was born.  Is there anything in your life or business for which you’ve been waiting on your permission slip to arrive?  What next step would you take if you were certain it was “right”?  Maybe it’s time to take it today.

Lesson 3:  My mantra of the quarter, perhaps the whole year, perhaps the rest of my life, is “progress, not perfection.”  I rarely live up to my standards of what I expect to accomplish in a day.  But I frequently make progress.  And drum roll, please, for my a-ha…. that is enough!  Again, my speed blogging system comes in handy.  Minimal editing, minimal time, putting my voice “out there”, imperfectly, to cultivate insights and community.  If you could drop your standards a wee bit, on what would you happily make progress?

Uh-oh, last minute on the clock.  A quick note, my first Dynamic Women’s Springtime Tea was a blast.  Thanks to Jenny McFadden, Ginger Burr, Kelcy Roth, and Jessica Zambarano (pictured above, left to right) for participating.  New connections and new sources of support generated among some outstanding women entrepreneurs, all in a beautiful and luxurious setting.  Can hardly wait for the second one this week!

New concept. Speed blogging. Every Monday morning. 24 minutes on the clock…. Go!

Here are the rules:

1. Write it as I think it
2. No edits
3. No self-criticism
4. No distractions (emailing, answering phone, web searching, adding to my to do list, checking my calendar, etc.)
5. No rereading
6. Stop when the bell rings
7. Publish regardless of fears

I’ve been wanting to blog for a long time. My business is about helping my clients find their voice, express their brilliance, and apply their resulting power in a positive way. So I have absolutely no excuse not to be expressing my own brilliance! Yes, that’s a scary term. But if I believe each of my clients has it (and I do, wholeheartedly) then I must claim this term for myself too. In the past I have procrastinated blogging for a multitude of reasons. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about. I didn’t want to embarrass myself. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t have time. Other things were more important. I didn’t want people to know the real me. Countless, beautiful excuses. All now banished. I am ready to put myself out in the world, warts and all. I am committed to growing, in my life, and my business, and so it’s time for me to use my voice. I see these three as inextricably linked.

It’s time for me to use my voice. Yet I still have little time and many fears. Thus, the concept of speed blogging was born. Am I the first to think of it? Don’t know. Would a quick Google answer this question for me? Absolutely. Will I go to Google now? NO. I am speed blogging. If it’s not a completely original thought, so be it, I am writing it anyway.

And now, on with my topic of the day. On Saturday I ran my first-ever 5k. I’m almost 43 years old. I didn’t start running until after my personal quarter-century mark. I ran for 2 years, off and on. I worked my way up to 3 miles, and I was proud. Then I went to business school. The first 2 weeks I intended to keep working out and I did. The rest of the time I put self-care on a back burner. And so I’ve gone, back and forth, throughout my life, prioritizing exercise, committing to exercise, fearing exercise, avoiding exercise, recommitting, etc. Blah, blah, blah. Throughout this time I’ve had a goal of being able to run 5k again. I figured if I can do this, I am fit.

So two years after starting my journey of “I’m more than enough as I am” I decided I wanted to (yes, wanted!) start running again. I did the Couch to 5k program with an iphone app. Best $2.99 I’ve spent in a long time. Ran 3 times per week, for the length of time the iphone told me to.

In February I went to buy new running shoes. Saw a flyer for a 5k in Waltham April 3. Thought that sounded far enough away to be safe. Started cautiously telling people I was going to do it so that it would seem real to me. I was delighted when my friend Jenny offered to run with me. Signed up. Kept running.

Last week was absolutely exhausting for me. Family drama. Flooding basement. Childcare issues. Sleepless nights. Child rearing concerns. Many people needing me. Me needing sleep. Ran only once during the week.

By Saturday morning I truly didn’t know if I could run. My commitment to myself was to try. On the way there my son asked me why I was not planning to win. I tried to explain to him that for me, being able to finish would be a big win. 3.1 miles is a long way for me. As we drove to Waltham, we clocked the distance on the tripmeter. It was 3.2 miles away. Oy – could I really run for that long?

As soon as I arrived, got my number and made sure the kids and I went to the bathroom, I felt swept into the action. My friend Katherine and her kids came to cheer us on, as did Jenny’s family. Jenny’s husband Chris had the perfect words for me about how supportive the race crowd is. I felt at ease. Chris took this picture of us right before we headed to the start line.

When the gun went off, Jenny and I started running. I immediately saw my friend Michelle had arrived with her 2 little ones to cheer for us!

The beginning was uphill (I’ve been running all this time on my treadmill at a zero incline) but we made it. Jenny told me stories of her life. We ran. She taught me to read the signs. (We’d been running 4 minutes when we saw the 2 mile sign. Took us a beat to figure out that was for when we’d see that sign from the other direction.) We chatted. When we came to the water station, I gratefully accepted two cups. She told me to “Be like a pro: crumple, throw and go!” I accepted her permission slip, littered, and kept going.

The last mile or so, save the very end, was almost all up hill. Didn’t know if I could make it. I wanted to walk. Didn’t see any reason not to. But Jenny said she wasn’t going to let me walk now. (My stopwatch just rang. Gave myself a 5 minute extension because I want to relive the last part by writing it.)

When we rounded the bend toward the finish line we saw our kids jumping up and down for us. I yelled “come finish with us!” and the six kids started running along side us. Jenny lifted her Dexter and ran with him (she’s one strong mom). I suddenly had the urge to “kick it in” and sprinted to the finish. When I crossed the line, I saw Michelle. She had tears in her eyes. I said “I cry when I see athletes run!” She cried when she saw me. I didn’t but her tears brought it home for me. We finished in 39 minutes. Not even last.

At the end Jenny suggested we run the Harpoon 5 miler in June. I immediately rejected this idea. But now, 2 days later, I’m inspired. It feels great to set a stretch goal, forgive myself for my imperfect training, accept loving support that’s spontaneously offered to me, and push myself to the end. Hey, maybe that’s like speed blogging too. There’s that beep again.